High Definition.

High definition.

The picture in this screen
is so clear
that in order
to do it justice,
we've had to call it High Definition.

H.D. is all about YOU.
It'll bring you clarity
and induce obfuscation.
You'll be entertained
with visual precision;
You'll see the same shit
but three times the size;
get an eyeful
so you don't see
too much;
You'll have more pixellation
but you won't get the point;
You'll see a bigger picture
but not the bigger picture.

You'll be glad you receive
High Definition.
So will we.

Birmingham games

Haiku.22.10.09.
The Times reports that after enduring tiresome jokes when it was bidding for the 2012 Olympic games, Birmingham is to host a training camp for two of the most sought-after teams in the month leading up to the event itself.
The U.S. and Jamaican teams will visit schools, athletic clubs etc and Usain Bolt's cricket-mad brother is hosting a bowling session at Edgbaston Cricket Club.
Spaghetti Junction
will host games (peas and rice
may be Bolted down).

Nutty Professor

Lou's News Haikus 09.
Alan Johnson (labour's Home Secretary) has demanded the resignation of Professor Nutt, whose research has revealed something we already knew i.e. the relative harmlessness of the soft drug cannabis as against say, alcohol. His pronouncements have perhaps angered the alcohol lobby, who may have leant on Mr.Johnson to lean on Prof. Nutt.
Prof. Nutt's colleagues have come out of the woodwork to support him.

Nutty Professor
pronounced soft in the head on
hard v. soft drugs.

New Meanings contd. 2010

New meanings continued. 2010.




tumbling- jewelry for the belly-button.

kittiwake- a cat's funeral.

lactic- a stopped clock.

property-Earl Grey, Assam, none of that crap.

shuttlecock- a space chicken.

pastoral-too old for foreplay.

vilification-urban sprawl.

friary-chip pan.

media- 'who else, darling?'

allergy- A.K.A. sacha Baron Cohen-innit?

phlebotomy- cutting an insect in half.

truculent-the van you hired.

children- jogging in the Arctic.

lever- what unfaithful husbands do.

Neets 24.02.10.

The Independent (23.02.10.) tells us that the unemployment figure in Great Britain is greater than has been reported thus far, as it is masked by the number of young people who are not in Education, Employment or Training, collectively known as N.e.e.t.s ( not in education, employment and training) and who make up some 1.5 million.
The 'processing' of such young people is known as 'churning' and the system they are enmeshed in as the 'warehouse'.



Neet's a palindrome

of teen. Being churned, warehoused

happens to neeps, too.

Good Hospital Guide 23.02 10

Tameside N.H.S.Hospital Trust has one of the poorest clinical outcomes in Britain (high death rates)according to the quango the Quality Care Commission, which has just published its 'Good Hospital Guide.'( as if we should choose where we go to be ill)




Good Hospital Guide

declares Tameside Hospital

a last-chance saloon.

Bullygate(2)

The Times et. al. report that the National Bullying Helpline was contacted by staff working for the P.M. who reported that his bullying was causing them distress.
 The Bullying Helpline makes a lot of money out of legally assisting people to stand up to bullying behaviour. The Independent reports 'frightened clerks,  badly-treated phone operatives and other 'bruised staff' in the fall-out.
 This follows Andrew Rawnsley's catalogue of the PM's Cabinet Secretary's handling of staff complaints.
Three  head honchos at the N.B.H. have resigned. Expect a few kickings within the Cabinet.

N.B.H. accuses
P.M. of G.B.H. Blows
traded on the floor.

Bullying in school
playground reported by 'Help-
ourselves-and-earn-line'

Bullygate

Allegations that the P.M. Gordon Brown is a bully were allegedly made following the revelations in Andrew Rawnsley's book that Brown has intimidated Cabinet members and staff, revealed the press yesterday.
 The Bullying Helpline, chaired by a Christine Pratt has weighed in and threatened to expose the 'bullying' behavoiur.
The next day three of her staff resigned and the rumblings in the aftermath of what I will call 'Bullygate' go on intra-cabinet and between the allegedly aggrieved parties, various victims and perpetrators of bullying. Peter Mandelson joined in the melee with the thought that some people (the P.M.) had 'better things to do' than to concern themselves with whether or not they were bullies.

Bullying in school
playground; as reported by 'Help-
ouselves-and- earn-line'

Bulleygate witness
Mandy hits back with 'We've got
a country to run!'

Banana theft

The Crown Prosecution Service, it has been reported in the broadsheets, spent £20,000 on the trial of a man first accused and later acquitted of stealing a 25p banana form an Italian restaurant in Birmingham's Bull Ring shopping Centre before it opened at 8.45 a.m.
 District  Crown Prosecutor, Martin Lindop said 'It is not the Court that determines whether we proceed with a prosecution  but whether there  is sufficient evidence for a realistic prospect of conviction  and it is in the public interest'.


Gand Theft Banana.
Italian Job puts the skids
on British justice.

Japanese barbers

In Japan, the ancient art of the barber in which a gentlemen would be washed  in leisurely and indulgent fashion before a shave over a sink is being undercut by a huge quick turnaround outfit called QB Net which opened its first low-cost no-wash salon in Tokyo ten years ago and now shaves the heads of 30,000 customers a day. Japan's Barber's Union has tried to claim that QB Net's no-wash practice is unhygienic and even dangerous but there is no stopping the leviathan enterprise.

Barbaric practice
is big in Japan; cut-price
shaves sink old barbers.