Haikus are tonics,
linguistic Sanatogen
for every Oldie.
Showing posts with label Lou's news haikus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lou's news haikus. Show all posts
Monday, February 20, 2012
Writer's block. 16.04.2008
Source: BBC Radio 4
The Today programme, on Radio 4 discussed the phenomenon of writer's block with two fellow sufferers, one of whom was the former Poet Laureate, Andrew Motion.
Andrew's having a
hard time, sitting on his stool
waiting for motion.
The Today programme, on Radio 4 discussed the phenomenon of writer's block with two fellow sufferers, one of whom was the former Poet Laureate, Andrew Motion.
Andrew's having a
hard time, sitting on his stool
waiting for motion.
Caterpillar pupates 16.02.2012.
Source The Times:
Operatives at the Caterpillar locomotive factory in London, Ontario have decided tocall for a boycott of the plant's products after the firm demanded that they take a 50% wage cut.
Earlier this month, the company closed the Electro Motive Diesel plant and sacked 665 workmen. Caterpillar workboots are also being boycotted.
Caterpillar vehicles are regularly seen gouging out land and mowing down trees and shrubs for development or mining all over the world. This will not dent their rapacious dirty business. Their largest vehicles are used to raze and run over Palestinian land, olive trees, houses, sometimes people in the service of Israeli settlers, the Israeli Defence Force etc.,
Caterpillar crawls all over
workforce, makes tracks
to Indiana.
Caterpillar, when
not chewing up Palestine
pupates, devours plant.
Caterpillar stamps on
Mother Earth, tramps on, boots out
unhappy workers.
Operatives at the Caterpillar locomotive factory in London, Ontario have decided tocall for a boycott of the plant's products after the firm demanded that they take a 50% wage cut.
Earlier this month, the company closed the Electro Motive Diesel plant and sacked 665 workmen. Caterpillar workboots are also being boycotted.
Caterpillar vehicles are regularly seen gouging out land and mowing down trees and shrubs for development or mining all over the world. This will not dent their rapacious dirty business. Their largest vehicles are used to raze and run over Palestinian land, olive trees, houses, sometimes people in the service of Israeli settlers, the Israeli Defence Force etc.,
Caterpillar crawls all over
workforce, makes tracks
to Indiana.
Caterpillar, when
not chewing up Palestine
pupates, devours plant.
Caterpillar stamps on
Mother Earth, tramps on, boots out
unhappy workers.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Gay bishops to be defrocked. 04.02.2012.
Source: The Independent 04.02.2012.
Church of England solicitors have drawn up a document detailing the circumstances in which a cleric would be legally banned from becoming a bishop.
The caveat in the legal note says that only those who had 'repented their physical gay past' could be considered for the bishopric.
It was nicknamed the 'The Jeffrey John clause' after the openly gay Dean of St.Alban's who was made to relinquish his 'Bishop of Reading' appointment in 2003.
It has been reported that the Right Reverend John had had enough of being passed over for promotion and has instructed a specialist employment law firm to begin proceedings against the Cof E.
Wierdly, Jeffrey Johns is the split of Elton John.
Colin Coward, director of the pro-gay lobby says 'The church is sick, it needs to be fixed right away'.
The word 'Bishopric'
may now have a rather less
reverential slant.
Clergy revered by
their partners are 'not fit' to
preach what they practise.
Defrocking-is that
just a euphemism for banning
gay clergy from office?
Elton lookalike
Jeffrey John is most like him
in both word and deed.
Unholy row means
that Dean of St Alban's can't
Carry On Preaching.
Church of England solicitors have drawn up a document detailing the circumstances in which a cleric would be legally banned from becoming a bishop.
The caveat in the legal note says that only those who had 'repented their physical gay past' could be considered for the bishopric.
It was nicknamed the 'The Jeffrey John clause' after the openly gay Dean of St.Alban's who was made to relinquish his 'Bishop of Reading' appointment in 2003.
It has been reported that the Right Reverend John had had enough of being passed over for promotion and has instructed a specialist employment law firm to begin proceedings against the Cof E.
Wierdly, Jeffrey Johns is the split of Elton John.
Colin Coward, director of the pro-gay lobby says 'The church is sick, it needs to be fixed right away'.
The word 'Bishopric'
may now have a rather less
reverential slant.
Clergy revered by
their partners are 'not fit' to
preach what they practise.
Defrocking-is that
just a euphemism for banning
gay clergy from office?
Elton lookalike
Jeffrey John is most like him
in both word and deed.
Unholy row means
that Dean of St Alban's can't
Carry On Preaching.
Duke's dog does duty 02.02.2012.
The Times, 02.02.2012. reports that the Duke and Duchess of Cornwall have a cocker spaniel puppy which is currently sharing their home in Anglesey. 'It will no doubt' the paper adds 'provide company for the duchess when William is on a 6 week tour of duty in the Falklands'.
The original dog, Otto was accused of swallowing the pearl earrings that he gave his then girlfriend for her 28th birthday.
Duke's dog does duty,
deposits dirt while duke does
dark, dastardly deeds.
Cocker spaniel cocks
leg while William cocks a snook
at Argentina.
Pearl earrings swallowed
by his dog. Was pearl necklace
swallowed by his girl?
Puppy provides Kate
with company, Anglesey
with loads of dog dirt.
The original dog, Otto was accused of swallowing the pearl earrings that he gave his then girlfriend for her 28th birthday.
Duke's dog does duty,
deposits dirt while duke does
dark, dastardly deeds.
Cocker spaniel cocks
leg while William cocks a snook
at Argentina.
Pearl earrings swallowed
by his dog. Was pearl necklace
swallowed by his girl?
Puppy provides Kate
with company, Anglesey
with loads of dog dirt.
Royal dog reverts to type 05.02.2012.
Source: The Daily Telegraph 2003.
Princess Anne became the first Royal to have a criminal record when her bull terrier, Dottie savaged two boys in Windsor Great Park last year. This year it was accused of mauling one of the queen's corgis at Sandringham. The corgi was put down. The dog was exonerated when it was discovered that the mauling was at the hands of the Princess Royal's other bull terrier.
Princess Anne's terrier
savaged boys but still gets
a Royal Pardon.
Princess Anne became the first Royal to have a criminal record when her bull terrier, Dottie savaged two boys in Windsor Great Park last year. This year it was accused of mauling one of the queen's corgis at Sandringham. The corgi was put down. The dog was exonerated when it was discovered that the mauling was at the hands of the Princess Royal's other bull terrier.
Princess Anne's terrier
savaged boys but still gets
a Royal Pardon.
Friday, January 27, 2012
HS2 due in 2030. 18.01.2012.
Source: Wirral Globe
Justine Greening, a Wirral MP has secured a commitment hat the go-ahead of the HS2 rail link 'will quickly benefit Merseyside' and that Phase 2 might be completed in 2032.
"I am looking at all the ways in which I can progress this project s fast as possible. At the moment, it looks as though the time frame is the fastest we can bring it to fruition."
Besides costing the country 32bn it will wipe out Britain's last woods and forests.. Now that's value for money!
Huge Snail Two on track
to wreak destruction of woods
for a half trillion.
Justine Greening, a Wirral MP has secured a commitment hat the go-ahead of the HS2 rail link 'will quickly benefit Merseyside' and that Phase 2 might be completed in 2032.
"I am looking at all the ways in which I can progress this project s fast as possible. At the moment, it looks as though the time frame is the fastest we can bring it to fruition."
Besides costing the country 32bn it will wipe out Britain's last woods and forests.. Now that's value for money!
Huge Snail Two on track
to wreak destruction of woods
for a half trillion.
Fergie may serve time 16.01.2012.
Source: The Independent
The Duchess of York may have to serve time in a Turkish jail, it is widely reported. For trying to 'expose' Turkey's 'child cruelty', she may be extradited there.
Fergie proves to be
a bit of a Turkey-and may
have to do bird there.
Turkish Delight as
Duchess biscuit (Ginger Nut)
is stirred in Porridge.
Duchess of York
to serve at her Majesty's Pleasure
in Ironbar Hotel
Fergie faces the
slammer for slamming Turkey's
Iron Pen children.
The Duchess of York may have to serve time in a Turkish jail, it is widely reported. For trying to 'expose' Turkey's 'child cruelty', she may be extradited there.
Fergie proves to be
a bit of a Turkey-and may
have to do bird there.
Turkish Delight as
Duchess biscuit (Ginger Nut)
is stirred in Porridge.
Duchess of York
to serve at her Majesty's Pleasure
in Ironbar Hotel
Fergie faces the
slammer for slamming Turkey's
Iron Pen children.
Artisans of death face cuts 16.01.2012.
Source: The Daily Telegraph.16.01.2012.
There are to be large cuts in defence staff. The RAF, the RN, Royal Paratroopers and the Brigade of Gurkhas will feel the effexcts as 30,000 jobs will go. A senior officer involved in the UK defence cuts said "Frankly, we have to take our share of pain."
Death by a thousand
cuts means that those who cut 'em
dead will be cut too.
There are to be large cuts in defence staff. The RAF, the RN, Royal Paratroopers and the Brigade of Gurkhas will feel the effexcts as 30,000 jobs will go. A senior officer involved in the UK defence cuts said "Frankly, we have to take our share of pain."
Death by a thousand
cuts means that those who cut 'em
dead will be cut too.
Gay clergy to be defrocked soon
Source: The Independent 16.01.2012.
Church of England solicitors have drawn up a document detailing the circumstances in which a cleric would be legally banned from becoming a bishop.
The caveat in the legal note says that only those who had 'repented their physical gay past' could be considered for the bishopric.
It was nicknamed the 'The Jeffrey John clause' after the openly gay Dean of St.Alban's who was made to relinquish his 'Bishop of Reading' appointment in 2003.
Colin Coward, director of the pro-gay lobby says 'The church is sick, it needs to be fixed right away'.
It has been reported that the Right Reverend John had had enough of being passed over for promotion and has instructed a specialist employment law firm to begin proceedings against the Cof E.
Wierdly, Jeffrey Johns is the split of Elton John.
The word Bishopric
may now have a rather less
reverential slant.
Clergy revered by
their partners are 'not fit' to
preach what they practise.
Defrocking-is that
just a euphemism for banning
gay clergy from office?
Elton lookalike
Jeffrey John is most like him
in both word and deed.
Unholy row means
that Dean of St Alban's can't
Carry On Preaching
Church of England solicitors have drawn up a document detailing the circumstances in which a cleric would be legally banned from becoming a bishop.
The caveat in the legal note says that only those who had 'repented their physical gay past' could be considered for the bishopric.
It was nicknamed the 'The Jeffrey John clause' after the openly gay Dean of St.Alban's who was made to relinquish his 'Bishop of Reading' appointment in 2003.
Colin Coward, director of the pro-gay lobby says 'The church is sick, it needs to be fixed right away'.
It has been reported that the Right Reverend John had had enough of being passed over for promotion and has instructed a specialist employment law firm to begin proceedings against the Cof E.
Wierdly, Jeffrey Johns is the split of Elton John.
The word Bishopric
may now have a rather less
reverential slant.
Clergy revered by
their partners are 'not fit' to
preach what they practise.
Defrocking-is that
just a euphemism for banning
gay clergy from office?
Elton lookalike
Jeffrey John is most like him
in both word and deed.
Unholy row means
that Dean of St Alban's can't
Carry On Preaching
Head count of Montrecristo rats. 16.01.2012.
Source: The Daily Telegraph. 16.01.2012.
The island of Montecristo, off the coast of Tuscany is home to thousands of black rats. Now the director of the National Park Authority, Franco Zenichelli wants to drop 26 tons of poisoned pellets on the island at the end of January.
So-called biologists say that the rats pose a grave threat to the island, an archipelago nature reserve, but that pales into insignificance besides this monstrous mass poisoning plan. The islands and all life on them will not only be killed off by the poison but also by the decomposing bodies of the poisoned rats, Air land and sea will be poisoned.
Island threat isn't
the black rats, it's the evil
rats who poison them.
One rather large black
rat who poisoned Italy
was Berlusconi.
The island of Montecristo, off the coast of Tuscany is home to thousands of black rats. Now the director of the National Park Authority, Franco Zenichelli wants to drop 26 tons of poisoned pellets on the island at the end of January.
So-called biologists say that the rats pose a grave threat to the island, an archipelago nature reserve, but that pales into insignificance besides this monstrous mass poisoning plan. The islands and all life on them will not only be killed off by the poison but also by the decomposing bodies of the poisoned rats, Air land and sea will be poisoned.
Island threat isn't
the black rats, it's the evil
rats who poison them.
One rather large black
rat who poisoned Italy
was Berlusconi.
Face FYLLer 16.01,2012.
Source: Telegraph 16.01.2012.
Due to hit UK stores this week, the 'Forever Youth Liberator' range by Yves Saint Laurent, which is owned by L'Oreal contains an active ingredient proclaimed 'world changing' by scientists. It has been developmed over the last 20 years.
Chris Griffiths, Professor of Dermatology at Manchester University said years would be needed to prove whether the product lived up to its claims.
At £50 per ounce (a 30gram pot) it doesn't come cheap.
Youth Liberator
sounds like a rebel vanguard
th O'Real-ly it's NOT.
Skin cream took yonks to
develop. By the time it's
proved, you won't need it.
Filler is really
old and dear. So will you be,
even if you use it.
The Egyptians are
Ancient but they knew a thing
or two about skin.
Ageing product skins
your purse, layers your skin
because you're worth it.
Due to hit UK stores this week, the 'Forever Youth Liberator' range by Yves Saint Laurent, which is owned by L'Oreal contains an active ingredient proclaimed 'world changing' by scientists. It has been developmed over the last 20 years.
Chris Griffiths, Professor of Dermatology at Manchester University said years would be needed to prove whether the product lived up to its claims.
At £50 per ounce (a 30gram pot) it doesn't come cheap.
Youth Liberator
sounds like a rebel vanguard
th O'Real-ly it's NOT.
Skin cream took yonks to
develop. By the time it's
proved, you won't need it.
Filler is really
old and dear. So will you be,
even if you use it.
The Egyptians are
Ancient but they knew a thing
or two about skin.
Ageing product skins
your purse, layers your skin
because you're worth it.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Salmond swims upstream, 12.01.2012.
Source: The Daily Telegraph. 12.01.2012.
The Government may tackle Alex Salmond, First Minister and Leader of the SNP on his plans to hold a referendum on Independence from the Union, in 2014, ( the seventh centenary anniversary of the gruelling Battle of Bannockburn in 1314).
Feudal groups at that time were represented by English and Norman interests.
The Government representing England would like a trade off of referendum options. Salmond has been seeking a devo-max referendum option, in which all powers except defence and foreign policy are devolved. Westminster wants a straight yes or no to independence.
Salmond jumps upstream
to spawn a referendum,
Bannockburn in mind.
The Government may tackle Alex Salmond, First Minister and Leader of the SNP on his plans to hold a referendum on Independence from the Union, in 2014, ( the seventh centenary anniversary of the gruelling Battle of Bannockburn in 1314).
Feudal groups at that time were represented by English and Norman interests.
The Government representing England would like a trade off of referendum options. Salmond has been seeking a devo-max referendum option, in which all powers except defence and foreign policy are devolved. Westminster wants a straight yes or no to independence.
Salmond jumps upstream
to spawn a referendum,
Bannockburn in mind.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Polite tactics 09.01.2012
Source: The Times.09.01.2012.
Police are appealing to hardware stores to catch someone who has been sprinkling tacks on doorsteps, driveways, footpaths and roads in Axminster, Devon. PCSO Andy Trott said "we want to hear from anyone who has noticed tacks missing" We're also checking with hardware stores to see if someone has purchased a large quantity of tacks"
Police track pointed
tack attacks, practice tactful tactics
tackling thief.
Cops play tic-tac-toe
as Axminster's carpetted
by a little prick.
Bed-of-nails merchant
lays trail, trips up police, tricks
them with trail of tacks.
Carpet tack thief wipes
the floor with Axminster fuzz
and some sharp practice.
Police are appealing to hardware stores to catch someone who has been sprinkling tacks on doorsteps, driveways, footpaths and roads in Axminster, Devon. PCSO Andy Trott said "we want to hear from anyone who has noticed tacks missing" We're also checking with hardware stores to see if someone has purchased a large quantity of tacks"
Police track pointed
tack attacks, practice tactful tactics
tackling thief.
Cops play tic-tac-toe
as Axminster's carpetted
by a little prick.
Bed-of-nails merchant
lays trail, trips up police, tricks
them with trail of tacks.
Carpet tack thief wipes
the floor with Axminster fuzz
and some sharp practice.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Brick shithouses. 03.01.2012
Source: The Financial Times. 03.01.2012.
Encos, a Leeds University spin-out company has produced brick prototypes using sewage slurry from a treatment plant near Leeds, backed by Yorkshire Water. Says Jon Briggs "carbon negative bricks could avoid the need to deposit the ash generated by incinerating sewage in landfill sites".
Disposal of slurry from the sewage treatment plants is an environmental burden for Britain's water companies. Encos hopes to get its bricks on the market within two years if it receives funding of 10m for the commercial product and could provide up to 2% of the 1.1bn UK output of bricks.
We'll all be shitting
bricks when Yorkshire Water makes
our muck into brass.
By 'eck lass, tha' brick
shithouse is built like a brick
shithouse made of...shit!
Encos, a Leeds University spin-out company has produced brick prototypes using sewage slurry from a treatment plant near Leeds, backed by Yorkshire Water. Says Jon Briggs "carbon negative bricks could avoid the need to deposit the ash generated by incinerating sewage in landfill sites".
Disposal of slurry from the sewage treatment plants is an environmental burden for Britain's water companies. Encos hopes to get its bricks on the market within two years if it receives funding of 10m for the commercial product and could provide up to 2% of the 1.1bn UK output of bricks.
We'll all be shitting
bricks when Yorkshire Water makes
our muck into brass.
By 'eck lass, tha' brick
shithouse is built like a brick
shithouse made of...shit!
Eye-opening surgery 03.01.2012.
Source: Financial Times. 03.01.2012
1.3m surgical and non-surgical procedures were carried outin 2009, four times the figure in 2005. BAAPS (The British Association of Aeshetic Plastic Surgeons) recorded 38, 274 invasive procedures carried out in 2010.
David Poulton, a Conservative MP who sits on the the Select Health Committee said that a lot of 'fillers' are performed on the high street 'by people with no knowledge of anatomy at all'. 'The Government',he said 'needs to turn its eye to this'.
NHS picks up
tabs, baps,discarded pieces,
moobs, boobs says BAAPS.
Eye-opening stats on
eyebrow lifts raises eyebrows
of health Committee.
Government turns the
other cheek but not eye on
eyelid surgery
1.3m surgical and non-surgical procedures were carried outin 2009, four times the figure in 2005. BAAPS (The British Association of Aeshetic Plastic Surgeons) recorded 38, 274 invasive procedures carried out in 2010.
David Poulton, a Conservative MP who sits on the the Select Health Committee said that a lot of 'fillers' are performed on the high street 'by people with no knowledge of anatomy at all'. 'The Government',he said 'needs to turn its eye to this'.
NHS picks up
tabs, baps,discarded pieces,
moobs, boobs says BAAPS.
Eye-opening stats on
eyebrow lifts raises eyebrows
of health Committee.
Government turns the
other cheek but not eye on
eyelid surgery
Drones hover over us all 03.01.2012
Source: The Times. 03.01.2012.
Ben MacKintyre reports that the drone arms race is well under way. In "Look up-there's a drone watching over you" he tells us that, according to the UN, over 40 countries have purchased the technology. Drone strikes are illegal, morally dubious, cowardly and cheap, involving no casualties.
In Gaza, the drones of the Israeli Defence Force are known as Zenana.
Deadly weapons with
dozy names bely their more
sinister purpose.
Ben MacKintyre reports that the drone arms race is well under way. In "Look up-there's a drone watching over you" he tells us that, according to the UN, over 40 countries have purchased the technology. Drone strikes are illegal, morally dubious, cowardly and cheap, involving no casualties.
In Gaza, the drones of the Israeli Defence Force are known as Zenana.
Deadly weapons with
dozy names bely their more
sinister purpose.
A tale of two Sirs...a divorce is for Christmas 03.01.2011
Source Times: 03.01.2012.
The New Year and post-Christmas period traditionally sees a huge surge in the number of divorces and breakdowns.
Mindful of the statistics, Senior High Court Judge Sir Paul Coleridge is launching a campaign to halt the "appalling and costly impact of family breakdown". After sitting in court for over forty years, he has seen "hundreds and thousands of people traipsing through the divorce courts"
Sir Paul wants to halt what he calls a 'recycling attitude' to relationships in which people ditch partners rather than trying to make things work. "Mend it-don't end it" is his message.
He presided over first round divorce hearings between 'Sir' Paul McCartney and 'Lady' McCartney some time ago and may have presided over all his othr divorce cases.
There are approximately 3.8 m kids currently caught in the family justice system.
A divorce is for
life, not just for the dog days
after Christmas feuds.
A tale of Two Sirs;-
Divorce Court Judge and Rich
Pop Star Breakup Freak.
Recycle rubbish
not marriage, says Divorce Court
Judge quite tidily.
The New Year and post-Christmas period traditionally sees a huge surge in the number of divorces and breakdowns.
Mindful of the statistics, Senior High Court Judge Sir Paul Coleridge is launching a campaign to halt the "appalling and costly impact of family breakdown". After sitting in court for over forty years, he has seen "hundreds and thousands of people traipsing through the divorce courts"
Sir Paul wants to halt what he calls a 'recycling attitude' to relationships in which people ditch partners rather than trying to make things work. "Mend it-don't end it" is his message.
He presided over first round divorce hearings between 'Sir' Paul McCartney and 'Lady' McCartney some time ago and may have presided over all his othr divorce cases.
There are approximately 3.8 m kids currently caught in the family justice system.
A divorce is for
life, not just for the dog days
after Christmas feuds.
A tale of Two Sirs;-
Divorce Court Judge and Rich
Pop Star Breakup Freak.
Recycle rubbish
not marriage, says Divorce Court
Judge quite tidily.
Copper-bottomed crimes 03.01.2012.
Source: The Times 03.01.2012.
Hundreds of police officers and Community Support Officers remain in their posts, despite criminal convictions for offences including assault, robbery and the supply of drugs, it emerged yesterday. 944 in England and Wales have a conviction.
Scores of officers facing misconduct charges were being allowed to escape punishmnent by quitting.
Bent coppers supplied
bent copper. Rozzers were robbers.
Old filth were tainted.
Time-served coppers don't
do the time when they've done the
crime-they leave instead.
Hundreds of police officers and Community Support Officers remain in their posts, despite criminal convictions for offences including assault, robbery and the supply of drugs, it emerged yesterday. 944 in England and Wales have a conviction.
Scores of officers facing misconduct charges were being allowed to escape punishmnent by quitting.
Bent coppers supplied
bent copper. Rozzers were robbers.
Old filth were tainted.
Time-served coppers don't
do the time when they've done the
crime-they leave instead.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Walking on water..almost. 18.07.2011.
Source: The Daily Mirror.
A boy rode a bicycle across lake Buttermere, which is 75' deep, watched by a crowd. Matt Whitehurst, 16, said "I can't and won't reveal how I did it but plenty of people saw me".
He did it to raise awareness and money for flood victims in November, 2009. His Dad helped save lives as a member of Cockermouth Rescue Team.
So you think you can
walk on water? No but I
can cycle on it.
Women may not need
men but fish could probably
use this bicycle.
A boy rode a bicycle across lake Buttermere, which is 75' deep, watched by a crowd. Matt Whitehurst, 16, said "I can't and won't reveal how I did it but plenty of people saw me".
He did it to raise awareness and money for flood victims in November, 2009. His Dad helped save lives as a member of Cockermouth Rescue Team.
So you think you can
walk on water? No but I
can cycle on it.
Women may not need
men but fish could probably
use this bicycle.
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